low affective filter

salam,

i'm taking it serious coz i can feel now the urge in me to do something. the lower self esteem in me has reached its alarming level. whenever i speak, no one hear me and sometimes i have to repeat few times before they could hear me. whenever i have to come to the front  and speak, i could hear my heart beats faster than usual. the freezing cold feeling surges through my veins and i will end up smiling and speak just like a kindergarden child.

is it a sign of maturity? the over blushing feelings. is it normal for a 21 years young lady?what matters me most is this virus is absolutely abnormal for a soon to be teacher. xkan nak blushing in front of your students.

 lack of practice or preparations. what type of preparations or practices should i do? talking to my own vision in front of a mirror, i did. reading is what i love most though i have no time and i sometimes need a month to finish reading a book.

extra nervous hormones. this might be true. it deals inside my body and i dunno what triggers the specific organ to excrete the nervous hormones more than the amount i need. this is crap but who knows this might be true. lack of knowledge and experience. this might be true as well. sometimes, i have a strange feeling in me. i dare not to try cause i hate mistakes..hohoho.

enough babbling and its time to find a solution and work on it. i just wanna be me. the old me who has no problemo on stage.
gambatte!!

p/s: i wanna go home!i just wanna go home!! i dun want anything other than going home!!bring me home!!to a place full of loves and my love ones!!to a place where i could find a serenity i couldn't find here!!