top three things to be positive

Assalamualaikum..


1) When azaan is read, all talking should stop
2)Perform the ablution in a perfect way
3)sleep less than 4 hours


(source: selamat pagi malaysia)

i was wrong

assalamualaikum...


hav u read my previous entry rapuh ..not yet..i noe..no one will read it as it was a wrong interpretation from me..kui2..i tot it was a cintan song.but, it's not a jiwang song..it's dakwah s0ng..thankz adik.i was singing with her when suddenly i asked her


me: adik, lagu cintan ke ek..best la
adik: no la, its nasyid
me: yeke


ahaha...when i watched the vide0 clip.then, i realized..yela..nasyid not jiwang song.

Rapuh

assalamualaikum,

i give 5 stars.awesome..i love the lyrics..its simple but full with meanings.i love the tempo.melancholic..leave me alone in my world.today, syahira is not really syahira..she's a little bit jiwang. she enjoys jiwang's song..kah2.

sometimes, i just wonder why malaysian's artists n composers fail to create a good song that leaves a great impact such what maher zain did to nasyid's world.

Opick - Rapuh 

detik waktu terus berjalan

berhias gelap dan terang

suka dan duka tangis dan tawa

tergores bagai lukisan

seribu mimpi berjuta sepi

hadir bagai teman sejati

di antara lelahnya jiwa

dalam resah dan air mata

kupersembahkan kepadaMu

yang terindah dalam hidup

meski ku rapuh dalam langkah

kadang tak setia kepadaMu

namun cinta dalam jiwa

hanyalah padaMu

maafkanlah bila hati

tak sempurna mencintaiMu

dalam dadaku harap hanya

diriMu yang bertahta

detik waktu terus berlalu

semua berakhir padaMu

Nanny McPhee

Assalamualaikum,


hye, i'm gonna share my priceless experiences in dealing with lil adam..babysitting a 2 years old toddler is not an easy job. i fail..luckily, i've my sister with me.we take turn to control him. he will sleep for about 3 to 4 hours in the morning but with condition..jaga buai..the worst part is during the afternoon. he insists to play outside with his friends.just imagine, he refuses to play with his friend but prefer those who is older and big than him..he wakes up and asks us for food and air tebu(air biasa)..then, he will try to find out his ummi and will start crying as his ummi has gone for working..the next thing that we must do to stop him from crying is..open the door and let him out.he will call his bestie, pah and if pah doesn't hear him calling her, he will start  crying and asking me to open the gate..owh no no...no way.i'm not going to let him out at 3 pm..its too hot for me and adam too.sometimes, i've  no choice..i'll beg pah to play with him..i really have no choice as adam will continue throwing his tantrum unless he has someone to play with him.he is still too young to play outside alone. once you open the gate.he will straightly go to the opposite house.sometimes he will stop in the middle of the road.its totally not safe for him as there's lots of motorcycles and cars that are using the road..he still too young to differentiate between safe and dangerous. he just think about happy, play, friends, toys etc. he just follow his steps without considering the dangerous coming. that's why we refuse to open the gate and sometimes we just leave him alone crying for no reason in front of the door. he's good at making jokes, crying, talking and everything. adam is quite choosy.seeing him screaming and laughing is my happiness. that's why they call me pengusik..haha..he is quite close with my sister as compared to me as i always control him from doing anything than he loves such as playing outside the gate..i just let him playing around the house as i'm not strong enough to follow him.he's fast than me ok.


here's our conversation (when i beg pah to play with adam inside the house)


me: adam, bring pah inside..play with her.pah, 
      play with adam inside ek.
adam: jom aa..acuk
pah: masa yang ditunggu2..luckily, she loves playing with adam. 
me:alhamdulillah


pah is 4 whereas adam is nearly 2..but he loves playing with pah as he actually loves playing with anyone who is older than him. 


the third day
i let adam play tangkap2 ikan..i really didn't have energy to wait for him outside and we shuffled.my sister took charge of him while i was having a short nap.he ended up, poured half bottle of the fish food in the vase.the next day, all the fish were found dead. my sis idea was so crazy.she let adam catcht the dead fish and held the fish in his hand.adam didn't just hold but also picit..eeee...adam didn't only kill the fish but also harrasing them.pity them.but adam's still too young kan..kalau dah besar..alamat kena cubit.


the last day
i'm alone as my sister had to go back early as she needed to prepare herself for the next trip to Sabah. i'm alone to take care of the little munchkin.it's not an easy job. i was so blessed that he slept all the morning. he woke up when his ummi was around. but,  his ummi left him with me in the afternoon.he insisted to be outside playing with his friends..his big friends..they're all 12-4..adam was just 2..aiyaa..pening..when i stopped him from running towards the road..he'll scream on top of his lungs.malu ohh kat neighbours. luckily, pah was so kind to help me. i invited her to play inside of my sis's house with adam..i jerat guna cd barney&friends.i said..pah lets go inside watching barney's cd with us..she nodded..yeehaa..then, adam walked inside by himself..pheww.lega..it's not stop there. pah decided to go home as she realized that i was lying to her..i didn't wanna watch that short movie as my lil sis, bil n me wanted to watch drama.ngehehe..pity pah..i' so sorry..the minute pah stepped outside..adam threw his tantrum again..he wanted to follow pah..luckily, my bro in law was around. he took adam for jalan2..then only, i could breath again..




being a mother is not an easy job. babysitting adam for just about 1 week makes me feel half crazy..just imagine how a mother of 12 children deal with her children..each children has different behaviors and just imagine a mother needs to understand bout 12 different behaviors.

Aidiladha 1431H

Assalamualaikum...

Salam aidiladha 1431H..its not late aite to wish you all selamat hari raya aidiladha 1431H. my mood has blown away just like a leaf that has blown astray.gone with the wind..i miss my childhood. i wish that i can turn back the clock.it has given a lot of memories and i miss the time when i don't have to think about problems.i miss the time when i can't wait for hari raya...everyone will gather at tok's house.eat together.sembang xhengat dunia..sleep in a long row from the small living room until the lepak2 area. i dun hav any ideas on how to describe that place but that's the most important place as 5 of my sisters were born there. roboh that small room means they have no ideas on how to describe their birth place kt to their future generations. nway, my aidiladha is so simple and not really memorable. i wear my green baju kurung. no family visits, just stay at home for the whole day except for the evening, blik kampung..my raya routines start...non-stop eating..haha..proud to be me as i can eat and eat and eat..stop for half an hour..then continue eating.i bet my weight has gained drastically..maybe from 38 to 43 kowt..iA.

2 Zulhijjah 1431H

we pay a visit to kuala kurau..if i'm not mistaken..kg parit tok ngah kowt.i'm not familiar with that place as it has been about 5 years since my last visit. i love that place so much as it is so green and no pollutions at all. i wish i can stay there for a bit longer and enjoy the breathtaking scenery...but time limits me from doing so..its ok. i'l pray hard so that i'll get a husband who's from a real kampung.his parents house must be in the middle of paddy field or close to that beautiful place.xpown..posting jauh hulu..ngajar anak orang asli. sungai and thick forest belakang umah...back to nature kn..i loike...

Salam Aidiladha 1431H

Semoga aidiladha tahun ini memberi seribu erti..kenang kembali kisah pengobanan Nabi Ibrahim a.s dan anknya Nabi I smail a.s..iA, kita akan sedar betapa besarnya aidiladaha di dalam kehidupan seharian kita...

travelog cinta abadi and me

Assalamualaikum..

Alhamdulillah, buat pertama kali cuti terasa amat dan tersangat bermakna bertemankan buku-buku yang dapat mengisi masa lapang dan menimbulkan kesedaran jauh di lubuk hati yang penuh dengan maksiat dan kelemahan ni. Alhamdulillah, impak yang positif kearah menjadi yang lebih baik. Cuti yang kosong rasa terisi. Sebenarnya, ada kerja lain yang menanti, tolong mak kat dapur..tapi bnyak kisahnya menjadi anak hampir2 bongsu ni.heh..tiba2, 24 jam terasa seperti 48 jam. Kalau di kolej, sehari ibarat setengah hari.

Roza Roslan, her name is not familiar with me as this is my first time reading her book. What can I say is, she’s a talented writer .she has gone through lots of great experiences throughout her life and I wish I’ll experience it too. At first, when I look at the cover, “eh.. cite cinta ke..xmau la..mesti merepek”. That’s my first expression as I’ve promised to myself that I’ll never ever read “novel cinta” after all .why? More harms than goods. That’s the only reason from me. It’s from my personal experiences. When I was teenager, around 15 to 17.i adore novel cinta melayu as I will terapung dalam khayalan. Everything is portrayed as beautiful. I love the storyline. I love the way the writer describes the hero and her0in. But, as time goes by I start to realize that it’s all rubbish. It’ll never happen in our real life. Never. So, I start to migrate from reading Malay to English materials. the other reason is to improve my English .hehe .that’s the only way to enrich my vocabulary as I’m not coming from a family who always uses English in our daily conversations aka in our daily life. My mom is a stay-at- home mother and my father is a teacher “ustaz”. We love our mother tongue so much that we cannot betray it by using other languages i.e. English.

I cannot deny the reality that reading is sometimes boring especially reading motivational books. But, travelog cinta abadi makes me awake for the whole day .I just need less than 24 hours to finish it as it makes me realize that everything that happens in our life for some reasons. She’s gifted and talented writer as she can see something extra-ordinary beyond our imagination. I don’t think I can be as positive as her. She portrays her life experiences as her teachers. They teach her about perseverance, sacrifice, life journey, adulthood, maturity, sisterly and etc. 

"Ya Allah, mudah-mudahan saya diberi peluang untuk ke luar negara.. Diberikan izin untuk melihat kebesaran dan kehebatan ciptaanmu. Wahai tuhan, jika saya tidak mampu untuk pergi dengan kudrat sendiri, temukanlah jodoh dengan suami yang boleh membawa saya ke sana.

Ya Allah, perkenankanlah."

(Televisyen : p.198)

this is the only reason why i love reading this book so much. we're sharing the same interest. i wanna go overseas. why?i've lots of reason and i don't think one sheet of A4 paper is enuf for me to explain it all.i just wanna experience the weather, the community and dakwah there. Sesetengah orang berpendapat dakwah di sana lebih hebat berbanding di Malaysia yang rata-rata masyarakatnya beragama islam.mengapa??i pown xtau...we'll see.i believe, Allah we'll gimme an opportunity to experience it all..iA..

btw, i'm not a professional reviewer as i'm not good in commenting or criticizing.maybe, i need time and experience before i start doing so.i'm just afraid.t'silap komen, sampai saman xpasai2 kowt..

sem 3 is over!!!

assalamualaikum,


its over..yeah..now, its really over.
ss-es-ldv-lds..bye2..thanks for all the memorable memories, ups and down, tears and joyous. being one of the TESL students for bout one and a half year makes me realize something ok. learning English is quite fun. sincerely, i hate English so much that i really d0n't wanna be English teacher. i just hate as i can't find the easiest way to learn it effectively and i boleh jd terer terus just like my clique and my seniors.sometimes, when i sit alone and try to reminisce days that pass.thank you Allah..i'm glad that i'm one of them. teachers-to-be..if i'm not chosen to be tesl student. i bet my english will be even more than worse..berabuk dan bersawang.


nway, my semester break is here..yeahAAAaa...i'm going home t0day.puppye..


till we meet again...: )

exam is over..result??

assalamualaikum.

it's been quite a long time since my last post aite. blame on the tough exam papers.woohohoh..forget bout exam ok..its over.but, seriously i'm still cuak.my 3rd paper was the toughest among the others. again, toughest not tough or tougher.superlative nie. thats mean, there's a few more which can be considered as tough and tougher. just imagine, i just have 4 papers for foundation year final exam.so, one for tough, the other one for tougher and the next one for toughest. so, just one left for not-so-tough aka intermediate aka i can breath easily and sleep soundly after sitting for that paper. cuak sedikit as i've had experienced of being a failure and crying all day and nite.why?over confident..syahira is still syahira although she's no longer a sweet teenager kn..when i was form 5 (if i'm not mistaken).i got C for history during monthly test..i was so confident that i would get an A.nangis xhengat.(regret+embarrassed).i was one of the religious science stream students and actually my teacher didn't really encourage me to be one of them as they were not really confident with my capability.12 subjects.i got 7As 2 Bs for pmr.got B for arabic and English.haha..how can i survive with 12 subjects kalau 9 subjects pown tewas kn.so once i decided to be one of the religious science stream students, i promised to myself that i'll try my best and n0 play time. al maklumla, at that time result was everything..if u're an excellent student.u don't have to worry.tringin nk jd prefect.dun wory..mmg kena jadi..hahaha.dats why la i'm the ordinary person when i was in secondary school.result c0rot+no special talents.eyh, cmne nk cite kt anak cucu nnt..cite spm je r..2 je zaman kegemilangan walaupun xt'bilang mana..haha.so,the conclusion is crying and me are just like two songs with one voice. 

ouch, this is just my intr0..t'over.

actually, i made a deal with my friends.we'll go jalan2 immediately after our ss paper which was the last paper for our final exam. teeheee..i loike.

our first destination was TESCO.haha.it's a must place.actually, we're planning to pekena cake.ngeh2..but then, plan hancus. end up with eating fast food and loitering for about 2 hours + my friends donated their money for the sake of tesco's developement..

the next day....

QB mall..

our activities: takers-eat n eat n eat-shopping-loitering-

finally, after about 5 months..i'm not going anywhere. my usual weekend's routines were almost mundane every week. tesco..tesco..tesc0.n0vel.on9..there's no other places for us to loiter and release our tension while filling our tank during the weekends. i just wanted to go somewhere else instead of tesc0.finally....we spend about half day there n half of our allowance for shopping..best.release tension. i can't control myself from buying new tops and items that were not on my list of things to buy..so, end up overspend.but its ok..once in a while.kn...seriously, if you gimme more money, i'll shop even more. thats y bpg gave us MYR400 je.they already knew that the more they gave us, the more we spend the money for shopping instead of studying.but, i'm glad that i was in  'we hate shopping ' group.s0, we just went for shopping once in a while..jimat duit 2.kfc/McD/Pizza etc once in 2 or 3 months..we often stayed at our room, cooked and ate together.or else, TESCO..

The next destination was Prangin Mall-Chawrasta-Komtar

i always dream that someday i will tour around Penang n go overseas with my special friend. Sincerely, i preferred to go to the historical places rather than going to the crowded area. Komtar was full with foreigner, minta sedekah n orang xtentu arah.i hated the only restaurant there.kedai nasi kandar. how can they maintain their customers. hurm, i did'nt wanna describe the restaurant's condition.but, the fork and spoon provided by them is not so clean=kotor. i hated the waiters.lack of courtesy+messy.i didn't think they were all muslim as i could differentiate between the real indian muslims and the fake one. the floor was eeeeuu..whenever i tried my hard to eat my nasi kandar, immediately i'll think bout the waiters..xjd nk mkan.

here are a few pics....

my new top

i bought a new pair monkey characters jibbitz.pity my crocs, the translucent one dh rosak.

where to go haa..plz decide, we have no time to just stare at the sreen sampy tembus

movie, i still remember, when i posted bout my movie experience. i found it bored and had no benefits.last2, g lagi..ikowt kwn.these two were the only clear pics as i was trying to fix my phone camera problem

i bought shakir his birthday present. shakir turned 2 last actober. i was so busy to update my blog about him but that was in my planning list. i bought him book as he must start his first step of learning and reading while playing. he loves gadjets but acik don't have enuf money la sayang..acik dunno how to use i pad and i phone.but, u know.that's impressive ok. btw, why don't you start reading now.reading is wonderful as it makes u feel as if u're in a wonderland. nway, HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHAKIR!!!Shakir is two.he's no longer baby Shakir.he's now toddler.one step ahead..soon to be brother.so bro Shakir la kn.

taraaAA..nk jgak..i'm not fair to myself if i don't attach my pic here.kah2..lwak je.this is the only evidence so that people trust me that i was really with them..

if the choice is mine

salam,


studying is tiring..gosh..can't wait to finish and get out of here.i'm bored of staying up all the night n reading all those boring materials..studying boring materials are bloody hard ok.btw, last 2 days, while stalking my friends blog..not really stalk but more to review the latest post from the dashboard..i found an article which was successfully catch my attention. i loved the way the writer wrote this article as i can feel something (its hard 4 me to put my feelings into words) deep in my soul. 


>>i've asked the owner of the blog for her permission to repost this article. 

Malam ini,saya terbaca entry dalam blog seorang sahabat.eh random blog walking je sebenarnya.

apa-apa pun,kisah ini boleh jadi tauladan.malas ckp pnjg2,baca dan mula berfikir.

*note that nama/situasi/tempat tiada kaitan dengan sapa-sapa yang dikenali.

"Siti Syazwani. Happy Birthday! Semoga kamu akan sentiasa dirahmati Nya… All the best in everything you do… Jaga diri & iman baik-baik yea~…

-Amin, UK-"

Aku mencapai telefon mobilku dan membelek-belek SMS ucapan hari lahir yang diterima minggu lepas. Cukup ringkas. Namun, aku masih tertanya-tanya mengapa Amin hanya mengirimkan SMS sahaja kali ini? Jika tidak, tahun-tahun sebelum ini pasti sudah ada kad besar dan bermuzik akan tiba beberapa hari sebelum hari lahir ku. Dah la pakai nombor orang lain, siap tulis nama penuh aku pula tu. Tak pernah pula dia tulis macam ni… Ish, hati mula ragu-ragu. Menyangka sesuatu yang tak baik sedang berlaku.

Adakah dia sudah ….? Argh, tak mungkinlah! Dia dah kata takkan ….

Aku teringat ketika dia pulang bercuti pada musim summer tahun lepas. Namun, sebelum itu aku sudah rasa banyak perubahan berlaku pada dirinya. Dia telah mula banyak memberi nasihat-nasihat baik ketika kami berhubung samada melalui telefon, SMS, email, YM dan juga friendster. Dan ketika itu, aku mendapat cuti seminggu dan telah bercadang untuk turun ke KL dengan kakak melawat saudara-mara, dan sambil-sambil itu bolehlah juga berjumpa dengan si Amin. Setahun sekali tak salah rasanya. Melepas rindu la sedikit. 'Boring' juga kalau asyik berhubung melalui telefon saja. Lagipun Kuantan-KL sekarang boleh travel dalam 3 jam 1/2 dah. Ulang-alik setiap hari pun boleh.

Di KL, aku telah menghubunginya dan cuba mengajak untuk berjumpa. Dia menolak ajakan aku untuk keluar berjalan-jalan daripada pagi sampai ke petang. Dia hanya boleh berjumpa dengan ku seketika sahaja pada petang hari. Walaupun dia beralasan sibuk, tapi aku tahu dia taklah sesibuk mana. Nak tak nak, aku terpaksalah menerima sahaja cadangannya. Asal boleh berjumpa, ia sudah cukup bagi aku. Dan petang itu kami taklah ke mana-mana sangat. Ronda-ronda sahaja dengan kereta Wira kesukaannya itu. Selepas ber-Asar di Masjid Wilayah, Amin membawa aku ke sebuah restoran dan kami makan 'early dinner' di situ. Kemudian, satu detik yang agak 'mengingatkan' bagi aku adalah sewaktu kami dalam perjalanan menghantar pulang aku ke rumah saudaraku…

Dia ada bertanya "Apa beza kita dengan diaorang kat situ tu ye?" Amin menunjuk-nunjuk ke arah beberapa pasang 'couple' yang sedang lepak berdua-duan di tempat-tempat duduk sepanjang sebuah taman. Aku tergamam sekejap. Huh. Agak menduga, tapi 'simple' saja. "Ala, kita ni baik sket. Tak ada pegang-pegang. Tutup aurat elok. Sampai waktu solat, kita solat.Erm… Islamik sket la pendek cerita!."

"Hmm.." Amin hanya mengangguk-angguk.

"Dalam Islam ada ke macam ni?" Amin menduga lagi.

Erk… Semakin terkesima aku dibuatnya. Kali ini aku terus diam terpaku. Aku tahu dia lebih banyak tahu selok-belok masalah benda-benda macam ini. Kalau aku jawab lagi, mesti dia 'counter' lagi. Huh. Diam sahaja lah!

"Erh, abaikan je lah. Saja je saya tanya…" Amin cuba menyedapkan hati.

Tidak lama selepas Amin terbang pulang semula ke UK untuk menyambung sesi pelajarannya yang baru, dia ada menghantar satu email kepada ku untuk menerangkan kedudukan dan tujuan dia bertanya akan hal itu. Aku sudah mula faham sedikit-sebanyak yang aku perlu mengawal hubungan yang masih tidak 'rasmi' ini. Dan sejak daripada itu dia tidak pernah langsung menelefon aku. SMS pula hanya bertanyakan tentang pelajaran sahaja. Itu pun boleh dibilang dengan jari. Namun, aku bersyukur dan gembira kerana dialah yang membuat aku berubah untuk jadi lebih baik dan lebih faham Islam. Jika dulu pakaian aku agak ketat dan singkat, kini sudah banyak yang labuh dan longgar aku beli. Tudungku pun pernah ditegurnya agar melabuhkan ke bawah dada. Dialah yang memperkenalkan padaku apa itu usrah dan dakwah. Dia juga ada berpesan - 'Jaga hubungan dengan Allah tu lagi penting. Insya Allah, kemudian Dia akan jaga hubungan kita.'

Jadi, apakah yang akan berlaku selepas ini? Hatiku masih tak tenteram memikirkan SMS ucapan hari lahir itu. Macam-macam sangkaan buruk bermain-main dalam hati yang mula busuk ini. Aku masih setia menanti kepulangannya. Dan aku yakin dia juga setia pada aku. Aku tak pernah memikirkan lelaki-lelaki lain selain dia. Dan aku yakin dia juga tak pernah nak menggatal dengan perempuan-perempuan lain. Dia taklah seperti kebanyakan lelaki yang 'playboy' pada masa kini.

Ops! Mungkin agak kasar untuk berkata sedemikian.

'Tuuut. Tuuut...' Nada dering SMS berbunyi. Nombor Amin yang terpapar.

"Esok free tak? Boleh kita chatting?"

"Boleh... Saya free je." jawab aku ringkas. Erm, mesti dia saja nak buat 'surprise.' Aku dah agak dah, takkanlah dia hantar SMS saja untuk 'wish birthday' aku. Keyakinan aku mula bertambah. Dia masih sayang padaku.

"Ok.Tq..." balasnya pula.

Keesokannya, aku menanti awal dia online.

'Tuk. Tuk. Tuk..' Amin has signed in.

Oh, tepat sungguh waktunya...

Amin: assalamualaikum wbt.

Wani: wsalam…

Amin: apa khabar? sihat? iman baik?

Wani: alhamdulillah... sihat2..=) awak?

Amin: alhamdulilah… baik2 juga… iman selalu turun naik sejak kebelakagn ni… tp takpe, ok je semua

Wani: awak tak balik ke tahun ni? btw, thanks for the bday wish last week...

Amin: welcome… tak balik. byk kerja sket tahun ni… lagi pun saya nak try bekerja… cari duit...

Wani: wah, rajinnya... baguslah!

Amin: hurm...

Amin: study macam mana?

Wani: ok je... new sem ni berat sket.. Jadual pack.

Amin: oic...

Amin: takpe, study rajin2 ye..

Amin: hurm, dah lama nak tanya ni sebenarnya…

Amin: hurm…

Wani: apa dia? tanya la… sila2..

Amin: 1^st of all sorry dulu ye… hurm, apa pendapat awak tentang kita sekarang?

Wani: erh… macam awak kata dalam email tu dulu yang kita ni kan 'kawan'… tak lebih daripada tu… tp, special sket… tiada couple-couple mcm org lain… declare pun tak kan?

Wani: so, statusnya kawan je la…

Amin: hurm…

Wani: erh, tak betul ke?

Amin: hurm.. ni opinion je la - antara lelaki dan perempuan yg bukan mahram, tiada perhubungan yang lebih akrab melainkan hubungan suami isteri shj… yg lain2.. atas alasan aper skali pun ia tak patut diterima..

Aku tergamam seketika. Tertampar keras juga rasanya…

Wani: jadi…

Amin: saya rasa kita harus stop… stop untuk berpisah…

Amin: sbb……

Amin: sbb saya sedar yg semua ini adalah salah dan juga keliru…

Amin: benda ni akan buatkan hati ternodai… zina hati akan banyak berlaku…

Amin: walaupun kita jauh, tak call, tak jumpa dll, tapi hati tetap ber'zina'…

Amin: huh…

Amin: saya bercakap itu dan ini pada org ramai… tapi, dalam masa yang sama saya meyelindungi sesuatu yang tak sepatutnya saya buat…

Amin: kononya Islamik…

Amin: saya rasa cara ni tak betul… kita sbnrnya yang dah menyarungkan benda yg tak baik ni dgn Islam… then, org nampak Islamik…

Amin: saya rasa takde beza pun kita dgn org lain yg duk ber'couple2' nieh..

Amin: hurm…..

Amin: jadi, saya rasa kita harus berpisah…

Amin: demi menjaga diri…& sama-sama untuk kembali harungi hidup dalam redha Ilahi…

Amin: sorry… sorry byk2 untuk segala apa yang telah kita buat…

Amin: dan sorry juga sbb telah membawa awak ke jalan yang lupa pada-Nya…

Amin: andai ada jodoh, moga dipertemukan…

Astaghfirullahalazim… Aku beristighfar panjang. Ku kesat peluh di dahi… Air mata jahiliyah ku deras menitis membahasi meja. Sedikit terpercik pada keyboard laptop. Aku tak sangka perkara seperti ini akan terjadi sepantas ini. Ringkas, lembut, berhikmah serta points-nya yang jelas membuat aku tak dapat membantah dan berkata-kata. Sedih, pilu, kecewa, dan sesekali timbul rasa kesal pun ada. Tapi, semua itu tak bermakna lagi…

Aku tak mampu lagi untuk menyambung perbualan tersebut. Ku pasrah dan terima sahaja keputusan yang dibuat oleh Amin itu. Di saat ini, hanya Allah yang bisa mendengar bisikan hati rapuh ini. Dialah juga tempat ku pohon keampunan atas segala kekeliruan yang telah aku timbulkan. Rupanya selama ini aku telah tertipu dengan bisikan musuh, mengikut jalan taghut, mencampurkan halal dan haram, serta mengandunkan yang Islam dan al-hawa…Cinta hakiki hanyalah pada Allah…

Tiba-tiba aku teringat hadis halawatul iman yang pernah dibincangkan oleh naqibah aku tak lama dahulu; pertama-tama sekali mestilah mencintai Allah dan RasulNya lebih daripada makhlukNya, kemudian mencintai seseorang itu hanya kerana Allah dan akhir sekali, mesti benci untuk kembali kepada kekufuran sebagaimana ia benci dicampakkan dirinya ke dalam api neraka. Dengan demikian barulah dapat merasai kemanisan iman itu.

Hanya Allah sahajalah yang layak memberi hidayah kepada sesiapa yang dikehendakiNya.Moga-moga Dia kuatkan dan teguhkan hatiku menghadapi dugaan ini dan moga-moga diringankan beban yang kupikul ini.

Aku terus menjawab ringkas….

Wani: thanks & sorry too… saya terima… Alhamdulillah…

Wani: moga awak bahagia dan sukses selalu di sana. doakan saya juga.

Wani: wassalam.

Signed out

Aku merasakan hubungan tiga tahun yang terbina itu memang salah pada dasarnya. Bagaimana mungkin ia dapat mewujudkan sebuah keluarga yang menjunjung Islam jika asasnya terbina melalui cara al-hawa? Ya, kami memang saling menasihati dan bertazkirah, saling mengejut Qiamullail, saling menghantar SMS ayat-ayat Quran serta hadis, tapi semua itu memang tak betul caranya… Aku sedar yang kami telah mempergunakan Islam untuk mencapai matlamat peribadi… Astaghfirullah.. Syukur pada Mu ya Allah kerana lekas mengembalikan ku pada jalan redha-Mu.

"Sayang… Cepat turun ni. Nurul dah nak sampai." Ops! Tersedar daripada lamunan kisah 15 tahun lepas itu tatkala mendengar sahutan suamiku, Muhammad Aqil untuk bersiap menyambut tetamu istimewa kami Nurul dan Amin.

"Ya bang, Wani turun…"

Alhamdulillah… Siap semuanya. Aku menutup lid laptopku dan bergegas turun ke bawah. Aku sudah bersedia untuk membentangkan 'presentation' kepada beliawan-beliawanis negara mengenai Cinta Remaja dalam program 'Belia Negara 2057' esok. Aku sangat bersyukur menjadi siapa diri aku sekarang ini dan aku mengharapkan belia-belia harapan negara dapat kembali kepada cara fitrah yang sebenar dalam menguruskan soal cinta.

Sekian,Wassalam.

"Ya Allah, jauhilah kami dari perkara yang melalaikan serta perkara yang tidak memberi faedah kepada kami . Sesungguhnya Engkau Maha Pengasih lagi Maha Penyayang.."

Ameen..