missing you, my crown.

dear my crown, you've been with me since four beautiful years ago. i miss you so much since the day i came back from the place i asked a beautiful lady to chunk you away from me.

i miss you when someone make me sad
i miss you when night comes
i miss you when i see someone with a beautiful crown standing at the corridor.
i think i've made the wrong n unforgivable decision
i'm sad

see you again in four years, perhaps. ����

xo,
hormonal woman

a cup of coffee to wrap up a month of holiday

assalamualaikum,

it's over! alhamdulillah.

finally!!!!!����

i won't forget each and every bit of events that happened.

all i could say is perggh. this holiday was a tiring one among all. mak, you're tough. i wonder where you get all the energy from to run a full house. my respect will forever goes to you and you and you.

to run a house, to be a full time stay at home mother was not easy. non stop working. no shift. you deserve some rest or spa treat maybe.

iA, i will do my level best to make you proud. you want me to be a teacher. here i am, one more step towards it. to hold a degree scroll in my palms. to jump and shout out loud telling the living things on earth that my dream comes true.

back to reality. sitting all alone in a deep dark to write a piece of reminder, advice, reflection and expectation for myself.

nothing comes easy. the journey to this path was not easy. it took five years of bumpy and challenging journey.

this final semester. i wish i could adorn it with the most memorable experiences that last forever till the end of time.

xo,
me

today's incident.

assalamualaikum,

dear readers, have you ever felt so humiliated?

my nephew poured his drink (read:ribena) on my head. i felt humiliated. yeah, i usually watched such seen in the movie eg: temptation of wife. but, this time my nephew poured his ribena on my head. oh, i felt like i hold the bad  character in the movie. stealing someone's husband. and the wife came with a glass of water and poured the water on my head. arghh..

tak pasal2, kena mandi 4kali sari. you boy! nasib baik he's just 2 years old. and i wonder why me? dalam rumah ni ada berbelas kepala and he ended up pouring the water on my head. pfttt.

i guess his mother won't read this.

the malang me. huwaaaa. bergetah kepala.

so naughty you're anas. i'll let you read this post once you're able to read, understand and appreciate. .

roar. 

the hardest part............

assalamualaikum,

let's start....

1) browsing through instagram and saw some people went off for holiday. ouch. jealous surged through my blood. the bad feeling went up till the spinal cord. oh, i feel like dying now. enough!

2) before holiday ends, let me blog as much as i could. midnight is the only available time. i'm not going anywhere but i've no empty space in my schedule. oh, babysitting. sometimes, so many things happened or i feel like i've to do so many things in a day that  24 hours are just not enough. this week, i woke up quite early coz i have to sent my nephew to school. wake him up, bathe, groom and off we go to school. tepi sikit, i could make a diary. list of things i do during holidays. by the end of this break, i'm a degree holder of domestic and house management plus hons. kah kah kah. no kidding. tapi masak tak sedap. kakakaka. lantakla. no one will judge me even if i've got married. if you (my future husband and the colony) don't favour my cook, let's eat outside. i won't eat my own heart. i love eating outside food. boleh buat fotd in instagram. hahahaha.

3) it's reflection time. continue the above sentence.

i think the hardest part in a human life is parenthood. belum lagi but for sure, soon. kalau panjang umur. pernah, i said like this to my sister, raising a human is the most boring journey. from the beginning of a child's life till the end, a mother has to sacrifice so many things unlike the father. aku memang bias. phewww. ampun!

raising a human is just like you're planting a tree. tawakkal. the least you can do is to water the seed. when the bud starts showing, you put some fertilizer and you take care full heartedly. camtulah analoginya. tawakkal is the most important thing. sometimes, you as a parent has showered love and everything, but, in the end, the children do not turn out to be what you want them to be. perghh. at that moment, i believe, distressed.

in another way round, the parents let their children free; free to choose and so many things. in the end, they turn out to be perfect. rezeki.

lalu, i bought a parenting book. kah kah kah. just to prepare myself to be a good mother who raise a family of humans. ataupun, a team of football and netball  players. kakakaka.

one thing for sure, when you choose to become parents, it's like you're gambling. you're gambling everything. the moment you become a mother, you've to sacrifice your beauty sleep, your time and everything you love doing beforehand.

you have to sacrifice your rights to have new beautiful clothing cz for sure, you'll keep on browsing through baby outfits and buy like crazy till you forget that you need one also. i call that as motherhood syndrome. it happens to every mother i guess cz i have a lot in this house.

okay, that's all. read at your own risk. don't blame me. jangan buat rujukan esaimen pulak. nanti dapat markah rendah. all above are simply sweeping statemt. i got that from my interconnected nerves that lead to the growing of ideas to babble about this.

till then, assalamualaikum.

ahmad shakir

assalamualaikum, it's 3am. i'm still wide awake. sleeping side by side to my dear nephew, shakir. so, i let myself choose blogging. this is rare.

shakiro is six this year. i think this shall be the wrap up of my holiday. babysitting is my only activity during this school holiday. pheww. how i wish i cud get married asap so i don't have to babysit. hahaha. it's tiring like hell esp when the children are super damn clingy and they have extra energy which they will use to do things like running till tumbling somewhere. pheww. u won't believe me. please belief cz i have more boys than girls. only one girl, aliyah. tu pun mcm boy.

but, sometimes, i miss babysitting them. like today, i bring shakir to pizza hut. actually, it was just a trick  his parents needed to leave him to me so, they come out with that idea. they will leave home when we both are out having fun at the pizza hut. perghh. having fun?? not really.

but, i've used to it. to eat like nobody is around me. to shout like a mama bear. to eat and run and continue eating and stop. wehuuuu. i love babysitting. motherhood hormones have spilled up in my veins. apekah.

oh today, what makes me feel ao much appreciated is shakir suddenly hug me and say thanks for bringing me here. in front of the public. mekaseh. i feel so momzie. perasan. haha. rasa macam hari hari nak bawak pegi pizza. beli personal plate. morah.

a little thing sometimes makes you feel enjoy and appreciated and loved. thanks shakir. but please grow up fast. acik feels so sick when your wild adrenaline rushed. you run like a crazy zebra. galloping running. oh man! one day, i'm gonna show you your video. and i want you to say thanks ummi ayah cicik n other aunts for keeping me alive tho i was extremely naughty when i was young. faham??

when you were baby, you loved to stay up. arghhh. be a doctor lah nanti bila dewasa. suka sangat bejaga malam. today you slept at 2.30 am. pheww. 

but, shakir, one thing, you're a sweet boy. acik won't forget that for the entire of my life. you love to appreciate people by saying thanks and hugging and kissing. i love your sloppy kiss. your sweat smells like baby. oh, i love!

today's photos. enjoice!

ammar husaini

with every born, comes a bundle of joys. apetah merepek. it has been a week since baby ammar was born. finally, after a few discussions between his parents and grandparents, they agreed to choose ammar husaini.

to baby ammar, be a good boy, a pious muslim, a knowledgeable man, a wise man, a hardworking man. nothing is easy in this world. to gain His heaven, you have to work hard. to gain a better life in this world, you have to work hard. never ever give up even if there are people who turn you down. respect your parents. they are your key to jannah no matter what.

i love you my first generation. you carry my blood in you. haha. yeah, we come from the same family tree. we carry some similar genes; just look at your nose. you won't forget what i say here. kah kah.����

my dear baby boy, carry our family name gracefully. never ever think of doing bad things. smoking is wrong. i know, once when you have grown up, you would want to try all that. be reminded my dear baby boy, haram will remain haram no matter what. even if years passed, it is still haram. if you want His heaven, stay afar from all that.

i love you no matter what. when you were infant, i love kissing every parts of you. you smell like heaven. a place where we call our final destiny.

love and kisses,
cicik.

welcoming my new nephew,

assalamualaikum.

it looks like i have to blog more since  I've downloaded this apps. oh, we received a new family member on 6th June. a boy again. alhamdulillah. my sis delivered a healthy baby with approximate of 3.05 kg weight and 55 cm length. that is her third baby and alhamdulillah she made it again. hihi. stitch free. . we're so excited as usual tho we hoped it's a girl at first. haha. pity Aliyah. she has no girl cousin for now.  so, since it's school holiday, mak asked me to help her taking care of my sister. off i went to jitra.

bidan termuda. woke up in the morning and boil some water with herbs for the mother and prepare the bath tub  for the baby. cook for lunch. taking care of the two elder brothers. sweep the floor. hang the clothing. and the list of house chore goes on non stop. my respect goes to the maid-free stay at home mothers out there. so tired.

my other sisters said those experiences will make me a better woman in the upcoming future whilst I've another thoughts in mind, that's the scariest part of being born as among the younger ones in the family. you know what i mean? extra job esp during holidays.

previously, i enjoyed but now, as my nephews and nieces are growing up, the feeling has started to fade away. it's hell tiring to babysit them. 

oh, I've made a massive decision in life on 9th June 2014. I know I have too. I have no other choices. it hurts but i can't continuously hurt other person's feeling when I actually should support x. what i need know is sabar and tawakkal. one day, it will come to me. i know. sooner or later. with Allah's permission.

pics tell a thousand words. here goes, muhammad x ❤❤