i FAIL!!!

im crying..keep crying..cannot stop even a minute when i'm thinking bout this..yeah..i've experienced the failure when i was in secondary school..but it is not as hurt as what i feel now.. 46/100..+ madam had informed us earlier..please minus 10..the question is quite easy compared to the real one..that's means..i only get 36/100..Ya ALLAH..who am i..what am i doing here.. i cant stay here..i know i cannot be a good English teacher..but why i choose this way..i'm not sure..this is the  "kifarah" for me.. i cannot even write a good essay..but why~~why?? i choose this hurtful way..i cant do this anymore..its hurtful...like i said in the previous post.. i dunno what i will do if i fail my exam.now.it happens to me..i dunno what i should do..once i get the paper...tears roll down my cheeks..this is not my first time crying because of my failure..when i was in form 5..my essay..trouble.the highest mark that i could ever get is C.. the lowest is E.at that time, i realized that i hate English with all of my heart..SPM result>>A2/C5...but once again i dunno why i choose to be an English teacher.my sister advices me to stay at KMPP n struggle so that i can achieve my ambition which is to be a doctor..but i refused.why??c0z i hate failure..im scared of that words..im sick..crying because of my failure.medic is tough course compared to TESL.but when this happens to me.i've changed..medic=TESL..it happens to me again..im dumbfounded, frightened,scared...i phoned all my sisters, my parents, my friends..i wanna share my mistakes with them..please help me..im hurt..i dunno what i should do..Should i dump this course??i cant..Ive started it..i dunno where should i go if i leave this college..but it appears in my mind..i feel like i wanna run away..far from this college..far from my friend..studying in college is really different compared to studying in university.. At university, no one will compare your result or asking you bout your result..but here..no..no..No..people wanna know..who gets the lowest..people will talk about you eg >>what is happening to me now<<.maybe!!but im sure...my life will totally change...before this, i wake up every morning with a big smile on my face.. But now, no more..it affects my life..my confidence.everything else..n i realized my mistake in my life..this will be happened in ur life if u choose the wrong way..u farce urself to learn it although ur mind..ur body refuse to accept it..but im not going to give up..I'll force again my body..my mind to digest English language...i wanna be a good teacher..i must..this is my life.. i've chosen it ..no one forces me..g0!! g0!!! syirah...


But it is hard to erase this experience from my mind..im crying uncontrollably while i'm typing this heart letter.."Letter from my heart"..
                                                                                                                                

What medicine will help me to cure my broken heart??

Can it be cured??Should I do anything to cure my depression...

 i'll cure it myself.I need help but no one can help me except ALLAH..please!!!ma dear friends....pray for me..im going to repeat ldv's paper if they give me my second chance..i really hope they'll give it to me..